In their own words...

With their permission, I've decided to share a few stories from my students. (They speak for themselves. They are verbatum.)


"I remember at the age 12. I seen these drug users fighting over a pipe which is use for crack cocaine. The pipe was lost. The first drug user Chris thought that Joe stole his pipe so Joe went and got a gun from his car but Chris exscaped out of the window, hours late they where back together using drugs again
I remember I was in the 6th grade and my mother lost her job so she didn't have any money to buy me the name brand shoes. My mother bought me some cheap shoe out of Pic N Pay, the name of the shoes where Jordansie knock off. I went to school in the shoes and we had field day that day. All the kids were picking on me because, I didn't have Jordon on it was the most painful day of my life I was in a fight that day the kids pick on me. I was suspend from school for five days. I told my mother why I was susupened and she got some money from my grandmother to buy me the real Jordan. Thank God for Grandmom."

--Ant

"My next door neigbor beat up his girlfriend and the police and swat team came out this was last year. it was a stand off the police made everyone come out there apartment and it was very cold the news peoples came out we was on the news he tried to kill his self. he had just got out of jail for jumping on his mother so he was out on bond. we stayed outside for three hours. when they finally brought him out he was cursing and talking about killing his girlfriend they hit him with the stung gun and that didn't even fase him. he just jump around and laugh."

--Delois

"Mainly, in my childhood, all I ever saw was arguing, fighting and drinking. By the time I was ready for my bath, my mom or my dad was drunk. My parents were divorced, so that is where the arguing and fighting comes into this. Unless my sister was around, I was always alone. My sister practically raised me because my mom and dad was always drunk. If my sister was not around, I had to do everything on my own. At eight years old, I knew how to cook myself dinner. From all of this happening, I always thought that I would end up to be a nobody in life. I really never thought there was anything more than working during the day and drinking all night. Then, someone came into my life and showed me that I can do what I want with my life and that I do not need to follow the same road as my parents. At this moment in time, I have proven to my entire family and all of my friends that one day I will be someone in  life and that I will be successful. I just hope one day, my son will follow this way of thinking and create his own path or road in life and that he does not have to follow other people's decisions."

--Andrea

"I witnessed my best friend killed by her baby daddy prior to him killing her the night before he broke into her house and brutally beat her with a baseball bat. She called the police who didn't do anything about it. Her baby daddy called her apologizing about what he did to her. And told her he wanted to make things right. He needed to talk to her so she told us that she was going to the southside to meet up with him we tried to talk her out of it. But she insisted that she talk to him when she pulled up he shot her in the head twice right in front of their child then went up the street and killed his self. In conclusion to this two lives were takin due to nonsense."

--Nichole

"It was a nice weathered friday summer night. I went to yet another friday night party at the Rec Center. I went to many of them, but this one would turn out to be different. The night started off right, and we were having fun. And then that's when it started.
I was sitting at a table with some people when one of the guys requested a certain song. The bass player told greg that they didn't do that song. He then said, if he wanted to hear that song he had to go home and hear it. Some peple started laughing. Greg was offended. Greg stood and started making threats to the bass player.
The bass player seen that Greg was tkaing this the wrong way so he apologized. He even walked up to our table and shook Greg's hand. Then he went into his pocket and pulled out a bag of weed. He put a pile on the table and said, You guys can have this. Well, this still wa snot good enough for Greg.
Greg continue to make threats and make avancements toward the bass player. The arguing continued. Then Greg's friend Dennis joined in.  I just looked, I wasn't in it. They than started following the bass player outside. They show was over. Greg pulled out a knife. He didn't know that oe of the other band members had passed the bass player a gun. He starting to shoot. Greg was shot first because he was the closes. Then Dennis was shot. Because he saw me sitting with them he asumed i had there back so he shot me when I was on the run. fortunately for us nobody died."

--Stan

"I had a twin brother that was killed in a car wreck. My brother, my mom and I all worked at the same place a place called Dayco. We all go up on the day of April 27th, 2011 to go to work. My brother rode to work with us but when we got to the parking lot his friends we picking him up because they all were going to Cherokee to a bike rally for the weekend. Before mom and I went in for work we told my brother bye and told him to be careful. Later that day I was working and started to hurt really bad in my stomach so I went over to my mom and told her. Then she goes called my dad and told him to come pick me up and take me home. Dad came get me we got home and 2 hours later my mom comes home early and she's crying and said that my brother and his friends were in a car wreck and my brother was dead. Me being his twin I went crazy. They were on this curving road and it was raining and they went off the road down a bank and flipped and my brothers head hit a big rock. There were in the mountains so it took the paramedics a while to get there by then he was bleeding inside real bad but he died on the way to the hospital. All the family by now is arriving up to the hospital t osee my brother when I walked into that room and saw my brother lying on that table I will never forget that. He was covered in blodd and his body was so swollen that you barely could tell who he was. When we had his funeral it was the hardest hink I ever had to go through ever in my life. I just didn't loose a brother I lost my best friend."

--Karen

"When I was sixteen I was riding my bike one day. I could ride real well and I had a big head about this. I felt like my bike was the fastest in town. I also felt that I could even beat small mortorcycles. I felt like a profesional bicyclist.
One day my father tolded me to go around the corner and get my sister. I went around the corner to get her. She said something smart and took off. I went after her I thought I'll really show her something if I swing around the curve wide and catch her. I was riding with no hands. Being a real show-off.
This was a mistake. There was a car coming. Even though he was on the wrong side of the street, I should have had my hands on my handle-bars. By the time I reach for them it was to late. I ran right into the front off the car, hit the windshield went up in the air and came down and hit the street.
I substained injuries to the left side of my body. The worst being my left forearm. I woke-up in the hospital the next day. They had me down for a amputation. They flew in a specialist and he saved my arm! I had just started practicing with the football team. Now I was out for the season. I think this was one of the turning points of my whole sports career."

--Stan

in other words...

today I heard a unique conglomoration of speeches. some examples are:

"my first day in jail"
"the day my mom found out i was pregnant"
"my first dui--life without a license"
"just because you're found guilty doesn't mean you are" (and i quote: "i have proof, y'all! he done it. i just be goin affer him to protec myself!")
"how i became a nail tech" (more on this speech later. it was mesmerizing...not even kidding.)
"why my family won't celebrate together anymore" (this was a 'humorous' speech)
"our first family vacation and why we will never have another one" ("we bought us a pool and we ain't never goin to no beach agin...ever!")
"how i caught the man who broke into my home" (this turned into a 'how to' speech. the class gave lots of positive affirmation. lots of stalking and waiving guns involved with this.)
"how everyone is affected by ghetto" (the visual aids will not be mentioned by me...ever)
"how i lost my basketball scholarship because of my temper"  (i never want to meet this woman in an alley...let alone a dark one. make that the street, in general.)
"my first knife fight" (he claimed he was scared to death. he showed us the scars. whoa.)
"my scariest day in the military" (again...not going to want to keep this one lurking around in my head)

plus, an inordinate amount of speeches about giving birth.

there were speeches i wish i had recorded to go back over and pick out some gems of comedy; some intriguing slaughtering of English and suprisingly pithy statements. others, i would block entirely from my mind. all in all, i learned much.

...hope...

i have been covered by the earth
--and still i see hope

i have been burned by the sun
--and yet i feel hope

i have been drowned by the sea
--and yet i breathe hope

come
cut me with wit,
curse me with smiles,
crush me with loss

i know hope.

ahhh....to sleep, perchance to dream

if you know me remotely well, then this post is no surprise. Sleep eludes me on a regular basis. I'm definitely one of those people who function on a very small portion of it. As a small child, I can remember laying awake for hours staring at the ceiling, listening to my sister partake of the aforementioned bliss. I go to bed faithfully at night, knowing it will take me hours to fall asleep regardless of how tired I am. So, the logic is, the sooner I lay down, the greater my chances of getting more sleep. I like the days I don't have to be anywhere early, because I might get an hour or more of this loveliness. However, I awake often throughout the night when I do fall asleep. For instance, last night, I watched the time tick away until 3ish, woke up about every hour on the hour, check the time, groan, and roll over hoping to fall asleep soon. It isn't always this rough, but it's the general feel. I ask myself why. I can't remember a time I wasn't like this.
I'm partial to the studies that show that people who need less sleep are more intelligent and their brains are super-active. I'm not fond of the ones that show that it's bad for your health, affects your work, emotions, etc.
So, why don't I do anything about it? Well, I've tried some of those over-the-counter things and they have the opposite effect. My heart races, I feel like I could run a marathon. I tried the natural remedies. No difference. I've tried the being careful what you eat, no caffeine, exercising like a fiend to get tired, etc. Nothing seems to change. It does not matter how physically exhausted I am, my mind goes crazy when I try to sleep. Of course, I've had some of my best ideas during these hours. I've anguished over huge portions of my life, I've written poetry, I've planned out numerous outcomes for the future....what else can I do? and, yes, it has affected my health; physically and mentally.

I'm so jealous of the people who can close their eyes and immediately fall asleep...anywhere. The people who can lay down and have a refreshing 20 minute nap in the afternoon. How do you do it, people?

the conclusion: my mind is freakish, it will not be quiet, guess I'll have to live with it. In Heaven, I plan to take a nice, long nap.

conflictions

i have a student this semester (sorry, ferpa) who gave a speech on how drunk driving has impacted his life. he's lost two family members and has been in an accident himself because of excessive consumption. so, he urged his fellow classmates, and myself, to refrain from this.

no problem.

last class period, i could hardly be within two feet of him without the strong odor of alcohol overwhelming me. today, he gave a very slurred speech in class.  it's only eleven in the morning. did he drive to school? will i see him in the parking garage driving away after class?

i go to my second class and look in the face of a girl who was hit by a drunk driver on her way to school at eight in the morning. many facial reconstruction surgeries later, she smiles at me from her seat. i remember her crying as she told her story.

starry floor

my floor looks like a van gogh painting right now. or maybe that's the laundry in piles, faithfully awaiting their turn in the wash. i don't like doing laundry, but i love how clothes smell when they come out of the dryer. laundry can accumulate so quickly. i've heard of people who run out of clean underwear and instead of washing they just buy another 3-pack. when i come to the end of wearing all the clothes i really like, i know it's time to break down and just do it. i wish there were laundry fairies, but they must hang out with the job fairies in my world. what if laundry was just a metaphor for your emotional life? scattered, pushed-off, trampled on? i don't think i want to go down that train of thought anymore.

i notice there's an unusual amount of black in my wardrobe. i wonder what could account for this? it's definitely not the same excuse that audrey hepburn has, that's for sure. is it because i'm so dramatic? nope. i think i'll stick with the most obvious reason.

to buy more clothes would be wonderful, but that means you have to go try them on....in front of 3-way mirrors. definitely not for the faint of heart. unless you're one of "them".

you know who you are.

half-eye

one contact is bothering me. the right side. if i just look thru that eye, the world is a little blurry today. i realized too late, i shouldn't try this activity while at the check-out counter. the clerk gave me a bewildered look. ahhh....he thinks i'm winking at him? that i have a twitch? that half of my brain doesn't work on thursdays? i open my mouth to explain what's wrong and then shut it. who cares? he sure doesn't. maybe he'll go out tonight and talk about the weird girl that came to work today.
however, this little trick makes some ugly stuff look different...more like a hazy oil painting. who knew wade hampton's abandoned buildings could be artsy? so, would my life be better if i saw absolutely clearly in both eyes? all the ugly? no funny stories told about me? i don't know. it's the out-of-ordinary that is most interesting.
i read in a magazine that polka-dots are IN...everyone who is anyone will be in dots this season. polka-dots hurt my eyes. they remind me of large circus costumes. would i really be more attractive covered in various sized circles? (let me see...close the left eye. yeah, looking good.) maybe it's just a huge distraction: the observer is so overcome by the visual feast they miss all the physical flaws AND stunning personality?
so, half-eye or no?  in the eye of beholder. (cliche. touche.)


going home to get a new pair of contacts and ransack closet for dots.

looking out...

...my window as i drive from the george (downtown s'burg) to the main usc campus every m/w, i see pretty much the same thing. but, one sight i always take more than a second look. it's the millikin research plant. so, basically, mr. millikin is pretty famous here in the upstate, i think. textiles, and all. well, there's this huge imposing building, not aesthetically pleasing, no sign of life coming from within. but, the front of the property catches my eye every time. there's a man-made pond and probably 50 geese/ducks hanging around it. there are always cars parked on the side of the road and people are out just gazing at the pond, feeding the ducks, jogging/walking, etc. i don't know what is so inspiring in the water that makes so many people stop. it's not a very pretty spot wedged next to the highway. the landscaping is dull, the pond is no larger than my row of townhouses, nothing to sit on except goose-defecated lawn or the curb.  but, it speaks of an oasis for these regulars. i think i know where i'm going to have my lunch break on monday.

poems that should be heard

Untitled Sonnet

(by Edna St. Vincent Millay)

If I should learn, in some quite casual way,

  That you were gone, not to return again --

Read from the back-page of a paper, say,

  Held by a neighbor in a subway train,

How at the corner of this avenue

  And such a street (so are the papers filled)

A hurrying man -- who happened to be you --

  At noon to-day had happened to be killed,

I should not cry aloud -- I could not cry

  Aloud, or wring my hands in such a place --

I should but watch the station lights rush by

  With a more careful interest on my face,

Or raise my eyes and read with greater care

Where to store furs and how to treat the hair.

and then enters the story of grace

first post

as there will only be one of these, i do wish i had something epic to say. this is just a collection of the many things that interest and inspire me. if i could find one thing that i could actually make a living off of, i will consider this foray into the ridiculous well worth it. let the search begin...